Deadly Beauty and the Scowling Beast
by Lonewingwriter
Summary: High school AU, humor, Ichihime. Having a weird dream, his father insists Ichigo to find a bride before his 17th birthday. Little does he know the trouble he gets himself into, following his father's crazy dream.
1. Here she is, my Bride!

**A/N:**

Sorry for being so irresponsible and start yet another story while I still have so many on-going stories, but I wrote this months ago and sent it to a beta, and she sent it back, so I think I should just post it.

Oh, about this story. High school AU, a little bit crack, not really a crack humor, but the ideas are pretty crazy.

(3/21/2012)

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><p>"Oh, I just had a wonderful dream, Ichigo, my idiot son." A middle-age man with black hair and strong body build, in his colorful shirt and orange shorts, jumped into his son's bedroom and kicked him out of the window.<p>

His son, a teenage boy with spiky orange hair, grabbed his hands on the frame of the window from the two-floor house and leapt up into the room, not forgetting to aim for his father's stomach and sent him hard into the wall.

The father ducked and evaded his son's kick just in time before smashing into the white wall. He then immediately sprang at his son and strangled his neck from behind, not letting him escape. "Listen to me, my idiot son. I have been worried lately that I'd never have a grandson with you being so ugly, dense, and totally unattractive." Ignoring the angry face his son made as well as his ferocious struggle to get out of the father's hold, he continued, "and when I lost all hope and decided to move into a temple instead of living here, seeing you every day, reminding me of my failure, having a son who has no hope whatsoever to have a girlfriend soon, I had this wonderful dream."

In his dreamy state, the father loosened his grip a little bit, and his son, Ichigo, took the opportunity to grab his father's arm and swing him forward, throwing him onto the floor. "Like I would listen to your rambling. Now, get out of here, I need to get dressed."

"No, my idiot son," his father buried his hands into his hair and shook his head impatiently. "No, Ichigo, it's now or never. Remember what the fortune teller told us when you were five. That if you're not married by the age of 17 or at least find your soulmate by then, you'll live alone for the rest of your life."

Ichigo yawned. "Only fools would listen to fortune tellers. Everyone knows that they're all liars." He went to his bathroom and slammed the door shut.

"But it's better to listen to them than to let it happen." His father continued to cry out his frustration. "And besides, we're out of time now. You'll be 17 in three months."

"Just shut your trap. I'm going to school now" Ichigo screamed from the bathroom.

"But you have so few friends, having a girlfriend will be fun," He pouted and then hooked his son's neck under his arm again. "Ne, Ichigo, listen to your old man this one time." Tears began to flood his face, "I don't want to die without seeing a grandson or two."

"Stop your bullshit." Ichigo used his elbow to hit into his father's stomach and used the chance when his father loosened up the grip because of the pain to duck his head down and get out of his father's grip. "I'm not interested in that crap, ok?"

"So it's true, isn't it?" The father cried harder, "the rumor is true. You're gay." He placed both of his hands on his son's shoulders, "but don't worry my son. I'm not a strict father. I'm very liberal. Believe me, very liberal." Fire in his eyes, he continued, "don't be afraid of anything, Ichigo. Introduce your boyfriend to me. I'll spread my arms and welcome him into our little family."

"I said no."

"So you're asexual, hum." The old man released his son and held his chin in great concentration. "If so, at least give me your sperm, I'll go to the hospital and ask them to produce a grandson for me myself. Hold on, do you even know how to masturbate?"

Too frustrated, Ichigo performed a perfect uppercut and sent his father down to the floor again. He then quickly went downstairs and got out of the house, but his father was nowhere near to leaving him alone. He ran after him and yelled, "Ichigo, my idiot, son. Where are you going?"

"Going to school of course. I cannot stand you anymore."

"Go to school on Sunday?"

!

…...

!

A red shade crept through his cheeks and Ichigo began to run. "Leave me alone."

But his father ran even faster. "At least let me tell you about my dream. You'll regret it if you don't listen to me."

"I don't care." Ichigo yelled back. "How's about just leave me alone?"

XxXxXxXx

'_Today is definitely not a good day' _Ichigo thought irritatedly as his father blocked him by spreading his arms, and everybody on the street was looking at them like they were aliens.

Ichigo sighed. He did not want to behave like a fool in front of strangers, not on a Sunday when he finally had a day off from studying and working and...fighting. The best way to end this madness was to quickly listen to his father's idiotic idea, whatever it was, and find a chance to escape while he was too absorbed explaining the dream, or whatever it was, to him. "Ok, but make it quick. You have three minutes."

"Good son." His father wrapped his arm around his shoulders as the two continued to walk on the street, heading to the bus station. "Listen to me, my son. Last night, I had the weirdest dream ever. At first, I dreamt that you were an old man who was crying in front of my grave, cursing and blaming me for not helping you find a girlfriend earlier in your life when you still had 0.000000091111% of finding someone who could close one of their eyes, no actually, both of their eyes and accept you, but now it was too late." He waved his arms, making a defeated pose. " When the deadline of 17 years old had passed, your chance to ever have a family reduced to -1231231231.00%. So you continued to knock at my grave with your fists, crying and crying, disturbing my eternal sleep."

He stopped and grabbed his son's shoulders with his hands, forcing him to look at his eyes, "Your happiness is a small thing, but you cannot disturb my eternal sleep." He wiped his tears with his sleeves, "I could never have a good sleep ever since I had you. I had to stay up late to change your diaper and feed you when you were little. When you were a little bit older, I had to stay up late to play video games with you or beat you up, I mean, train you. Even now when you are this old, I still can't have any good sleep, for nightmares like this continue to plague me, and then I have to wake up early to beat you up...I mean, fight you, to make sure that your skills are not rusty."

"_No one asked you to" _Ichigo thought. He would be much much happier if his father stopped prying into his life and pissing him off whenever he could.

"No, you cannot destroy my peaceful sleep when I die. To prevent this from happening, I have to find you a bride, and find her soon." Determination in his eyes, his father continued, "so I made a brilliant move in my dream. I knelt down and asked Kami-sama to help me!"

"Three minutes passed. I'll go now."

"But..." his father yelled in panic, "But it just got to the main part. You have to hear me out."

"You had your chance to tell me just those three minutes ago. You wasted your chance. Now let me go."

"Hold on, Ichigo." His father's face became serious, "it's very very very important. Don't you want to meet your bride?"

"Don't care." Ichigo yawned, thinking of where to go next.

"Here, Ichigo." Before Ichigo knew what was going on, he was dragged into the bus by his father.

"What are you doing? Where are we going?" Trying to keep his voice down, he grabbed his father shirt as they sat down on the seats at the final row.

"To meet your bride, what else?" His father said proudly, his arms crossing, triumph on his face."

"What? A blind date? Hey hey, I'm not gonna do that."

"What? A blind date?" His father laughed. "You think too little of your father. Though I'm desperate for my son, I'm not gonna resort to such pitiable means. It's fate." His father pointed his index finger upward. "Kami-sama told me in my dream exactly what to do and where to go to find you your bride. As long as we follow what he said, you won't be a lonely bitter old man who blames his father for his own incompetence, and I can die in peace. So here is what you have to do..." And he went on and on.

…...

Ichigo yawned. He wished to have more sleep. He didn't even know what his father was talking about; it was hard to follow when he sobbed between speeches and then made extreme hand gestures to describe...something. At the end, he did not get half of what his father said . The only thing that he knew for sure was that his father would be very upset if he did not find a girlfriend somehow.

"You got it, Ichigo?" His father finished whatever he started. "It will be a very hard battle, but as long as you follow what Kami-sama told me, you will be just fine." His father slapped him hard on his back. "Go, Ichigo, and remember that you only have five chances, and today is the only day that it will work. Pass this day, you will not find your bride no matter what you do."

Battle? Five chances? The only day that would work? Hum, now he wished he could have been more attentive when his father said...whatever he said. Hold on, and why should he care? It did not matter. He wished he could just go home already. He did not even know where his father dragged him now. They left the bus and were walking on a fairly empty street.

His father pointed his finger at a bakery across the street. "There Ichigo, Kami-sama said that your first chance to meet her was at that bakery. Now go, hurry, before she goes somewhere else."

"She?" Ichigo scowled, "who is the 'she'?" Do you mind telling me her name or how she looks?"

"How would I know, my idiot son?" His father pointed a finger at him hysterically, "it's your bride, you should know better than me."

Frustrated, Ichigo punched his father square in his stomach. "Listen, old man, I'm not gonna follow your crazy game anymore. I'm going home now."

But his father pushed him forward, "quick, quick, Ichigo. See the young girl that just walked out of the bakery? It must be her. Kami-sama said if we have a fight then the first young girl that I see leaving the bakery is her. Now run after her with all of your power, Ichigo."

Ichigo did not know what got into him, but he did run after the girl. Tch. He must be crazy to follow his father's stupid dream, but the girl looked familiar somehow, at least her back did. When he ran pass the bakery, a young boy crashed into him and poured a whole can of honey on his shirt. He groaned but continued to run after her. He could see that his father ran after him too, pushing him to run faster for the love of his life.

They ran into a forest and when he passed a tree, suddenly hundreds of bees came at him and stung him hard. He yelled for help while his father just crossed his arms and shook his head, "no, Ichigo. It's a battle of love. You cannot give up now. Endure it. Be a man. This is nothing. A real man will fight until his last breath to be with the one he loves."

This was so so so ridiculous. First, he never wished to have a girlfriend. Second, he did not even know who she was, that love of his life.

Heaving, he took his shirt off and threw it away while he continued running away from the bees. When they got into the middle of the forest, he saw a group of men surrounding the girl, but he could not see her face clearly because there were a lot of men, and they were kind of...tall, and big,...and looked strong.

"Stop you now, you villains." His father jumped ahead and pointed his finger at the men. "Release the young maid now or you will really regret it."

The men turned their heads toward his father, they cracked their fingers, ready for a fight, "What do you want old man? Wanna play hero with us?"

"Yes." He clapped his hand loud and clear on his chest, "but I'm not a hero today. I've been a hero for too long. Now let me introduce you to my successor." His father grabbed his shoulders and pushed him forward, "Kurosaki Ichigo, the hero of a new generation, the righteous man who will fight until his last breath to save the love of his life. Here he is, the hero of love." He put his hand upward, "you villains, this is the end of your lives. You have made a critical mistake when you threatened the life of his lover, the young girl over here." He pointed his finger at where the girl had stood but then stopped speechless, his mouth hanging open.

Ichigo followed his father's finger and sighed. The girl had taken the chance when the men looked at his father to run away. Now what would his father do.

The men laughed. "Seem like the heroine has run for her life after seeing that ugly son of yours. She must be terrified by his deformed look."

Ichigo's blood boiled, he knew that he was stung by the bee and he was now shirtless, plus his pants were all torn by the bees and the thorns from the brushes, but he did not really know how he looked now.

His father laughed too and crossed his arms. "Though my son is ugly, he is the most righteous man ever. His girl has run away from him, but he will never give up. His blood is boiling with love. He has sworn for himself that he will win and have his girl come back to him."

Ichigo's face burned in embarrassment. It was so lame. His father had read too many novel. Why couldn't he just talk normally? But it was not the time to talk. He had been so irritated today, and this was a good chance to vent his wrath out.

He jumped into the men and started the fight. Though the men were big, they were not skilled. A few good moves were enough to bring all of them down. He could read them, the next movements that the men would made. They were slow, very slow.

His father nodded in satisfaction as Ichigo defeated them all. "Villains, now open your eyes and kneel before my son. Do you see the power of love yet? If you want to defeat him, go and find yourself a girlfriend, then you might have a chance to win. Ha ha ha."

"Shut up." Ichigo turned to his father and punched aiming for his face but his father was fast and he dodged it easily.

Suddenly he heard footsteps run toward him and as a reflex he turned his head and grabbed the stick that was about to hit his face. That was when he realized it was his classmate, Inoue Orihime, in her blue sweater and yellow sun dress.

"Inoue? What are you doing here?"

"Kurosaki-kun." She cried and wrapped his neck with her arms, hugging him tight, making him blush at the close proximity. "I was so scared, there was a group of men surrounding me." She sobbed and released him, making him feel strangely disappointed "But then they got distracted by someone and I took the chance to escape. I tried to find someone to help but there was no one, but I was so worried for the lives of those came to my rescue that I decided to go back and fight them fair and square this time."

Ichigo scowled. Inoue was too trusting and kind-hearted. He scolded her. "Inoue, next time, just run for your life and don't come back. And don't go into a forest on your own. It's dangerous."

A shade of pink crept through her face as she nodded shyly.

"Hey, hey, Ichigo. That's no way to talk to your girlfriend."

Ichigo looked around. The men left. There was only his father, Inoue, and he now.

"She's not my girlfriend." Ichigo performed another perfect uppercut to throw his father away but missed this time.

He father hooked his neck under his arm and towed him far away from Inoue. "Ichigo, you pervert, where did you hide such a beautiful girlfriend all this time?"

"I told you she is not my girlfriend. She's just...Inoue."

"Just Inoue. Are you blind? She's a real beauty here."

"Don't say that about my classmate. I don't even know her that well."

His father clapped his forehead into his palm. "My idiot son, you're so dense. If I wasn't helping you, you'd never make it. Let's make her your girlfriend now. She seems to be the one Kami-sama said is your soul mate. He told me that the girl will come back after the fight with the evil men, so it must be her."

"Are you nut?" he yelled, then looked at Inoue, hoping that she did not find him too loud. "She's not even my friend, just a classmate I rarely know anything about. Besides, she's really weird."

His father eyed Inoue from head to toe. "She looks really pretty."

Ichigo whispered into his father's ears, "But people say that she talks to herself most of the time and says weird stuff like her seeing aliens or the like. She also has very abnormal tastes; a student had to go to the hospital after eating her food. People in school call her the Deadly Beauty and there is a rumor that she is actually a powerful witch and whoever dates her will be cursed to death after three days. That's why she never has a boyfriend after two years in high school."

His father rubbed his chin with his thumb and index. "So she's a little weird huh, but Ichigo, you are so desperate now. We have no choice left. There are only three months left until your birthday, we have no time, and if Kami-sama said she is the one, then she's the one."

"Besides..." his father grinned and thrust his elbow into Ichigo's stomach, "You said that you know nothing about her but it seems like you knew plenty. You must like her, huh."

"Those are the rumors about her that everyone in school knows. Besides, she's Tatsuki's best friend. But I never knew her personally myself, though."

"Do you want to know?" His father smirked at him slyly.

Ichigo looked at Inoue. She was sitting on a rock now, humming to herself. She was waiting for him, he guessed. She was such a nice and kind-hearted person, and she did run back to him despite the danger, so yes, after today, he did want to know more about her. He did not think the rumors did her justice. Besides, she looked so lonely sitting at the rock, intertwining her fingers together. He felt like a jerk for listening to those rumors and not protecting her, but he never knew much about her, not until today when he saw how brave and kind she was.

His father smirked again and walked to Inoue before Ichigo could protest.

He knelt in front of Inoue and cried, 'Inoue-san, please help my son. I beg you." He sobbed, "my poor son was under a curse when he was born. An evil man who was jealous of me, a handsome and courageous man with a beautiful wife, has placed a curse on Ichigo, stating that if he cannot be married by the age of 17 or at least find a soul mate before then, he'll die. A girlfriend is sufficient too." He held her hands, "Inoue-san, please help my son, please marry him and lift the curse. I cannot see my son die like this. He's the only son I have. He is everything to me. Please pity me and marry this ugly, idiot son of mine."

Tears in her eyes, Inoue nodded, "Oh, Kurosaki-san, please don't worry. I'll marry him and lift the curse." She shook his father's hands, hope in her eyes. "I'll not let him die."

Ichigo's jaw dropped. He knew that Inoue was trusting and weird, but he could never imagine she was this... trusting and... weird. Who in their right mind would believe such a story and then nod without even thinking?

His father took her hand and got closer to Ichigo, placing her hand in his. "Oh, today is the happiest day of my life. Ichigo, please take good care of my daughter in law. I now announce you husband and wife."

Ichigo used all of his power to punch his father and sent him five feet away. He then turned to Inoue, "Inoue, listen to me..."

"I agree, Kurosaki-kun. I agree to marry you. You don't have to say anything." Her face was burning like a tomato and smoke exploded out of her ears too. "But we should only marry when we reach our dream, and until our dream comes true, let us not meet. We should just encourage each other through texts."

"Huh?... I don't really have any dream...? And how could we marry without even meeting and getting to know each other?"

Smoke erupted faster and faster out of her ears and she bowed again, "I'm sorry Kurosaki-kun. I just wanted to try that line in Bakuman but I guess I messed it up. We can marry whenever you want, Kurosaki-kun."

She was so weird...so weird, but she was kind of cute like this.

"Listen Inoue. Do not listen to my father. He's crazy. You don't have to date me if you don't want to."

"But I want to."

His heart skipped a beat. Could it be that she liked him too?

She took his hands in hers, fire in her eyes, "Kurosaki-kun. I want to date you. If I don't date you, you'll die, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. In resentment, I won't eat, and therefore, the little blue men won't have anything to eat, then they will die. And if they die, their wives will be upset and they will not eat, then they will die too. If all the females die, then there will be no one to cook for the children. Then they will die too. If there were no children, then there would be no one to reproduce for the little blue men. So the whole race will be extinct. No." She shook her head ferociously, "I cannot let so many little blue men, and women, and children die because of me. It's the whole race of blue men, we're talking about. Let's protect them together, Kurosaki-kun."

Ichigo shook his head and sighed, "Ok, ok, Inoue. Let's date then." His stomach growled in annoyance at the fact that Inoue wanted to date him not because she liked him, but he still wanted to know more about her. He wanted to protect her, and show everyone that she was not a witch, that there was no harm in dating her. He never felt like this before, but he guessed today he kind of felt like wanting to date her.

Somewhere on the ground, he could feel that his father was grinning fiercely.

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><p>Please leave a review if you like this story :). Anonymous review is enable, so you don't need to have an account, just click on the review button below to tell me what you think about his chapter. Thanks.<p> 


	2. My luck?

**A/N:**

The dark cloud was lifted as I edited and laughed throughout this chapter.

Hope you find it hilarious too and hope you like it.

(8/8/12)

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><p>Ichigo covered his pretended yawn with the back of his palm. Although he was sleepy due to staying up all night last night, he was not in any mood to yawn or even remembered that he wanted to sleep, for beside him was the ever cheerful Orihime who was holding his arm, humming happily for herself. The truth was that he was so nervous that he did not know what to do but pretend to yawn, and he had done that ten times already since they left her house. Now, he just prayed that she did not notice it yet.<p>

He had made a terrible mistake and it shook the foundation of his existence. Yesterday, on a whim, he asked, no actually his father asked Orihime to date him, and he just AGREED with it. When he went home and sat down on his bed, the effect that the beautiful Orihime had on him during their encounter was worn off, and he realized it must be a mistake to date someone he barely knew. It should be fine if they were friends first though. He could still learn more about her as a friend. However, now she was his girlfriend, and now he had **nothing** to talk with her about, just walking beside her like a retard.

This morning his father insisted he walk Orihime to school. He even followed him to her house and literally wrapped Orihime's arm on his arm, and told them again and again to act more like a couple. Orihime, as the good future daughter-in-law she was, determined to follow his father's words to the letter in order to save his life from the curse, had refused to release his arm since then.

This was unbearable... He could not stand the silence anymore. He had to say something, but he was afraid that he might say something stupid and make himself less appealing to Orihime.

"The song is nice" he said, cursing himself for not reading enough books to say something more intelligent.

"Um" she said, suddenly becoming quiet as she stopped humming.

"I love to hear you hum. Continue." He was panicked now. He did not know what to do or say anymore, everything he did just seemed wrong.

She did not say anything but slowly pulled her arm away.

He felt so vulnerable without her arm placed on his, like she could go away at any moment and he could not do anything to stop it from happening. Why did she pull away? There was like a huge ice block on his arm where she just left it.

"I...did I do or say anything that offended you? I'm sorry." He scratched his head furiously. "I don't know what to do or what to say...I...I'm new to this kind of relationship."

Orihime stopped walking and cast her eyes down to the ground. "I'm the one who should apologize. I feel like I'm taking advantage of your kindness." She bowed her head, "I'm sorry, Kurosaki-kun, for pulling you into dating me."

Ichigo looked at Orihime, confused. "Why do you have to be sorry, Inoue? If anything, it's me and my father who took advantage of you. We are the one that pull you into dating me. If you don't like it, we can stop now."

Orihime did not raise her head yet, but he saw tears fall down on the ground. Did he say something wrong again?

"Inoue, stop it." He pulled her into his body and held her tight. "I don't want to see you cry. If I do something wrong, please tell me and I'll change. I'll do anything to make you happy."

Her hands gripped the back of his school coat, "Kurosaki-kun, do you..." she sobbed, "do you like me even just a little?"

"Of course I like you." Why did she have to ask something so obvious? And how did it relate to why she was crying? Girls were really difficult to understand. He just hoped that his answer would not make her cry more because he just answered the first thing that came of his mind and he was afraid that she might not like it. Darn, he should think more before answering her.

Orihime had not released him yet but he could feel that she was smiling in his chest. When she pulled away, he took her hand and held it in his.

A slight blush crossed his face, and he said, almost like pouting, "I feel safer when I hold your hand. That way you could not run away from me. If I let you hold my arm like before, I'm afraid you could take your arm away at any moment and leave me before I know it." He tightened his hold on her hand, "Now you cannot leave me as you please."

Her face was now was red as if it was on fire, but she nodded shyly.

It was nice, walking with her by his side, not saying anything much. It was just so peaceful that he felt like he was living in a world without any trouble, any worries, anything for that matter.

However, trouble always found a way to find him.

"I-ICHIGO." Keigo jumped at him from nowhere but then stopped as he saw Orihime. "What are you doing?" he yelled, scandalously.

Punching his friend away with his other free hand, Ichigo said casually, "Just going to school."

"No, I mean, what are you doing with the most beautiful girl of our school?"

"Dating her, I guess."

Keigo's face turned pale and he fainted.

As they went to their class, Ichigo put his bag in his seat, unable to decide if he should remain in his seat until class started or should he go to her seat and...just be close to her. What did normal couples usually do? Nah, it was embarrassing if he went to her seat now, so maybe he should remain in his seat, but then he wanted to see her face again and make sure that she was ok. He groaned, she was only a few seats behind him, but he could not bring the courage just to turn his head around and look at her. He looked at his hand. It was still warm and wet from the nervousness and excitement of holding her hand. He could almost smell her natural scent on it. Maybe he should at least turn his head around and look at her after all, just to make sure she was safe and sound. That was all.

"I-ICHIGO." Keigo managed to go to class somehow. Tears in his eyes, he knelt in front of Ichigo and gave him a bunch of wild blue flowers.

"Ichigo, my hero. You're the model of all men. Take this as a token of my respect for you." He hugged Ichigo, tears still fell like rain on his face. "Ichigo, my friend. I never knew that you're the type who was willing to die for love. Don't worry, Ichigo. When you die, I'll follow your bravery and take good care of Orihime-chan for you."

Sending him straight out of the window, Ichigo stood up, full of vexation of the way people around him whispered about this new found relationship. As a trained fighter, his ears were sharp and able to pick up even the smallest sound, so he could hear the whispers so loud and clear that it itched his ears.

"Hey. Does that mean that they are dating now?"

"No way. Isn't he afraid of dying?"

"Hum, I don't know if it applies. He isn't exactly human here, so I guess it works."

"Oh, you're right there. He's called the Scowling Beast, right?"

"Yeah, his strength is inhuman. I heard that he beat up two or three gangs at the same time all by himself. It's rumored that his scowl alone is enough to send people to death."

"But Inoue is no normal witch. I heard that anyone, human or beast, will be dead after three days of dating her."

"Want to bet to see who will die first? The Deadly Beauty or the Scowling Beast?"

He swept his eyes through the room, and almost immediately everyone slid to the side, cowering in fear. It had been like this ever since he started high school. Except for some of his friends, everyone treated him like a beast, running away every time they saw him and shaking uncontrollably every time they were near to him. His nickname was the Scowling Beast. Even now, he did not know why everyone was so afraid of him. He never beat anyone in school up if he did not have to, and he was a quite fairly quiet and pleasant guy ( he hoped) most of the time. He never started a fight with someone without justifiable cause. It was trouble that found him, not the other way around (meaning, it was others that tried to piss him off and start a fight, not him.)

Anyway, he was so upset now that people didn't stop the stupid rumor about Inoue's curse that he walked straight to her, wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pointed his index finger to the corner of the classroom where most of the people were. "Inoue is my girlfriend now. We'll see if I'm gonna die in three days. Have a problem with that?"

His classmates shook their heads in terror. "Of course not, Kurosaki-sama" Some gained enough courage to answer.

Some didn't even have the strength to say anything and just shook their head non-stop, unshed tears in their eyes.

Some girls cried, running out of the classroom. "Help me. I'm so scared."

He scowled. Why were people always like this in front of him?

But then his scowl seemed to terrify people even more and they began to bow their head, murmuring, "I'm so sorry, Kurosaki-sama. Please forgive me. Please spare my head."

Orihime seemed to lose her ability to speak. Her whole body was on fire. He could even see the steam coming from her ears and even...her nose ?.

Then from nowhere there was a leg aiming right at his head. Of course he dodged it effortlessly while dragging Orihime to the side with him. When he looked up, he realized it was his childhood friend, Tatsuki, a tomboy girl with long black hair and brown eyes.

"Oh, it's just you, Tatsuki."

"Don't it's just me, my ass." She grabbed his shirt, "If you make her cry..." he could almost see a red dragon behind her back "I'll kill you."

"Don't kill Kurosaki-kun, Tatsuki-chan." Orihime waved her hands in panic. "And why do I have to cry when I am with Kurosaki-kun?" She looked at Tatsuki innocently.

Damn, he would be really touched by that statement if she did not look so clueless. Why did she have to be so oblivious to his feelings? His feelings? Hold on, what feelings? Ichigo irritably scratched his head. He could not understand it very well, but he was really annoyed that she seemed to not take the whole dating thing more seriously. He had the feeling that she thought of it as a game and he was just a brother to her or something like that. It made his heart ache.

Tatsuki sighed and placed her hands on Orihime's shoulder, "Anyway, tell me if this guy hurts you in any way."

"Why does Kurosaki-kun have to hurt me?" She pointed her finger upward, looking totally confused.

Unable stand it any more, Ichigo wrapped his hand around her shoulder and pulled her away from Tatsuki. "You don't have to worry. I'll protect Inoue."

He took a quick glance at Orihime and was pleased that her face was burning with embarrassment again.

XxXxXxXx

Then after that, Ichigo had gone through the weirdest experiences ever.

_Math period:_

"Ok, guys, we'll have a pop quiz today." His math teacher wrote the test on the board.

Ichigo looked at the board with awe. Last night, he actually **studied** since he had no better things to do and he could not sleep because of...the_ dating issues_, but the miracle was that what he went through last night was exactly what was on the test.

_End of math period: _

His teacher gave the test back after quickly grading it while making the class do the new problems.

"I want to give praise to Kurosaki Ichigo who is the only one that got 100% on this test."

The class looked at him with astonishment while the class president Uryuu Ishida pushed his glasses up with a slight hint of jealousy.

_History period: _

The teacher today decided to award extra credits for anyone that could answer his challenging questions.

Out of twenty apparently extremely difficult questions, Ichigo got fifteen, and the reason he did not get the other five was because Ishida raised his hand right at the moment the teacher finished his sentence to make sure that he was always the first one to answer them... and with all of the extra efforts he went through he was well rewarded with three out of twenty questions right.

As for the other two questions...Orihime seemed like she knew the answers, and she looked so cute fidgeting her fingers in deciding on whether she should raise her hand or not that Ichigo was so lost in the moment, admiring her reddened cheeks and sparkling eyes, that he forgot to raise his hand.

As for how did he know about the answers. Well, maybe it was his luck, but after studying math, he still could not sleep, and he was so extremely nervous about how to face Orihime the next morning as _her boyfriend_ that he did the most normal thing boy his age did (he supposed). He took his history book and read it from the beginning to the end until he fell asleep and was woken up by his very energetic father.

_Japanese literature period:_

His homeroom teacher, Ochi-sensei decided to boost the morale of the class with the most genius idea ever - Everyone that wrote a brilliant essay of what they wanted to become in the future would be entered into a drawing and the winner wouldn't have to take the final exam.

Of course everyone did their best, and Ochi-sensei was so touched with the sight of her students wrote so ardently about their bright future on a piece of plain paper that, with tears running like rain on her cheeks, she concluded that nothing but brilliant essays would come from those pure minds and determinate hearts, so obviously every single one of her promising students must be entered into the drawing.

And well, maybe it was just his luck, but Ichigo was the sole winner who did not have to take the final with a promising A from all the works he did in class.

_Lunch Break_

Ichigo came closer to Orihime's desk, his hands in his pockets. He tried to keep his calm, but blood continued to rush into his face, such that it must look like a tomato by the time he got to her.

"I-In-..."

However, before he could say anything coherent, a hand grabbed the back of his collar and towed him away. When he came to his senses, he realized that the one who was dragging him down the hall was Abarai Renji, in his kendo uniform with a white kosode and blue hakama. Holding a wooden sword in his free hand, Renji said ardently to the disheartened Ichigo.

"Great news Ichigo. I just made a bet with Ikkaku, and whoever wins the basketball match that will happen in five minutes at the gym will be allowed to use the gym for the club activity." Renji stomped his sword down on the floor excitedly, "and more, if they lose to us by more than five points, they will have to join our kendo club."

"Our kendo club? What club? And how come it's ours? " Ichigo asked confusingly. "I don't remember joining any club."

"It's the kendo club that will be established once we win the game and have Ikkaku and Yumichika join us."

Ichigo sighed. Renji had been obsessed with having a kendo club ever since he first went to this school. Unfortunately, Seireitei High School didn't have a kendo club. As a result, he had been lurking around the school for more than a year, trying to grab some lambs to join his soon-to-be club, um, in vain.

"Renji," Ichigo reasoned, "even so, we'd only have four members. We need at least five members to form a club. And I never say that I will join..."

Renji waved his hand impatiently, "you don't have to worry about that. I'll ask the midget to join us, or you can ask Chad." He threw Ichigo into the gym full of people. "Now the most important thing is to win this game, then we'll have the kendo club all set" Renji said proudly.

_In your dream,_ Ichigo thought. He looked around and was surprised at the way the gym looked today. The normally huge room now was even more enormous with all of the exercise equipments set aside. Two baskets were set at two polar sides of the room while the rectangular court was carefully drawn with white chalk, and people were gathering around the court. The gym was filled with excitement and it made Ichigo feel a little bit nervous.

Renji pulled Ichigo by his wrist to the right side of the court together with another three players who appeared to be their underclassmen. Ichigo whispered into Renji's ears "hey, Renji, who are those people?"

"Oh, just some freshmen I grabbed on my way to your classroom" Renji answered casually, beginning to stretch his arms. "Hey, Ichigo, do some warm up too. The game will begin soon."

"Renji, are you sure about it?" Ichigo asked. "Do they know how to play basketball?"

"Who knows?" Renji said, bending down, reaching his hands with his toes. "You and I are enough. They are just decoration- decoration- since we need five people to form a team."

"Hey, hey, hey. I barely know how to play. Are you sure we will be okay?"

Renji rubbed his hands together. "Don't worry, Ichigo. I never play basketball before either. But we are athletes" he reassured, "and athletes can play any kind of sports. This is easy. We just need to throw the ball into the basket, right? That's why it's called basketball, even the name is straightforward. I like it."

Idiot!

"Ha ha ha ha. Lucky me." Ikkaku Madarame— another idiot who actually was a third year senior— laughed and pointed at them on the other part of the basketball court. He was so full of himself with his shiny bald head, hanging a wooden sword on his left shoulder—it really ticked Ichigo off. He was also wearing a kimono uniform with black kosode and black hakama. "Look at them, Yumichika." He said to his best buddy, a..., Ichigo didn't know how to describe him, a freak who loved to make himself look beautiful? He was always wearing colorful feathers on his right eyelash and eyebrows and had a jaw-long black hair with some type of a braid hanging down the right side of his face. He looked almost feminine especially today when he was wearing a flower patterned purple yakuta. But that man was no feminine. He really knew how to kick ass. And damn, what were those people thinking, wearing something like that? It was school time, people! And how could they play basketball, wearing kimonos and bringing wooden swords with them? Did they even know that they had to throw the ball into the basket using nothing but their bare hands and certainly not with a stick, also known as a wooden sword?

Ikkaku continued, "I'm so lucky, Yumichika. Those idiots never play basketball either. Victory is in our hands, and we'll have two more slaves in no time."

Several veins popped on Ichigo's forehead; he could never stand arrogant bastards, especially Ikkaku. "And what makes you think that you can win against us? You look like you haven't touched the ball before. Do you even know the rules?" He scowled, "and did you just say something about slaves?"

"Rules?" Ikkaku laughed. "Who needs to know about rules? We, Yumichika and me, are athletic geniuses, and geniuses don't need to learn, we just know. It's so simple. We just need to throw the ball into the basket, right? That's why it's called basketball. Even the name is straightforward. I like it. And of course we will win because I'm so lucky." He patted his stomach and laughed. "It's just simply impossible for me to lose."

"That's right" Yumichika said, running his fingers through his hair. "Everyone will just kneel before my beauty. It's impossible for such a stunning creature like myself to lose. I'm so excited. I can't wait to have you two become my slaves. I really need to buy more lotion and cream for my smooth skin. Do you think that it's a little dry lately, Ikkaku?"

"Slaves? Again, what do you mean by that?" Ichigo had a very bad feeling about this basketball thing.

"Go. Ichigo. The game started" Renji said. "Oh, and about the slave thing. I told you I made a bet right? If we lose, we'll become their slaves. But don't worry, Ichigo. It's impossible for us to lose." Renji laughed. "Remember our ultimate weapon. Fighting spirit. FIGHT!"

With that, he tucked his sword in his sash behind his back and charged into the middle of the court, ready to take the ball from the coach. Ikkaku did the same, only that he gave his sword to one of his underclassmen that were watching. Thank goodness that those idiots somehow still had their brains working and at least knew some of the basic.

Much to his astonishment, they played pretty well. Not only did Renji, Ikkaku and Yumichika soon get the grasp of the game after the first three minutes or so, but the underclassmen from both teams also seemed to be able to keep in synch with the pace of the game pretty well. However, what surprised him the most was his own performance.

Damn. He played like a star. Like he was the center of the game. The ball just kept coming to him wherever he was, and the moment he touched it, it flew all the way to the basket or to the nearest member of his team that would score immediately. He was such a rock star! Now, he didn't want to be so full of himself, but he got so excited just thinking that Orihime would be in the crowds who were yelling his name like he was some kind of hero; that she was watching him and saw how awesome he really was. His head must be ten times bigger just by thinking of the way she looked at him with admiration in her eyes.

No, he should be humble. Humble. Orihime wouldn't like an arrogant bastard. She would like someone cool and humble. However, at the end of the match, he couldn't stop himself from sweeping his eyes through the room, searching through the sea of people in the hope of seeing a pair of gray eyes with admiration in them. He scowled yet again as he saw how people seemed to be so crazy over him with the hope that it would cool them down. However, fangirls screamed even more as he scowled. Now, that was weird, but he would think about it later.

Suddenly chills ran down his spine as he felt a predatory stare at his back. His fighting instinct told him that it was from an abominable rival, someone whose strength was so strong that a simple stare was enough to make people tremble in fear. He turned his back to catch a pair of green eyes that was glued to him seconds ago.

That man... was nowhere near normal. His skin was so pale with the black hair framing around his long face. He was so... stoic, cold, emotionless, it was almost impossible to sense his presence if he hadn't been emitting such dark and curious interest toward Ichigo. He was like a statue, yet his eyes didn't leave Ichigo even when he stared back.

Ichigo's heart dropped as he saw a flash of auburn hair next to the stony man. Orihime was smiling at the strange man, trying to give him something, completely unaware that Ichigo was right there where the eyes of the man were glued at. The black haired man moved his eyes toward Orihime for a split second then moved his eyes back to Ichigo. Orihime followed his gaze and saw Ichigo. She waved at him cheerfully, wanting him to come over.

Ichigo felt something he rarely felt before. Jealousy was something he only felt when he was little, when he was too small to know his worth and others'. It happened over the most trivial things like seeing his mother with other children or with his sisters or seeing his friends with new toys. However, ever since his mother passed away, such piteous feeling never once entered his heart. Yet today, he felt it so strongly that he wanted to do nothing more than to grab the man's collar and throw him away from Orihime as far as possible.

Together with jealousy was another feeling that he truly detested. The doubt of himself. He didn't notice this when he first saw the man, but when he saw him standing next to Orihime like this, the black haired man looked strangely handsome. He was fairly tall and skinny, yet under his half-buttoned white shirt, Ichigo could clearly see his well toned chest, and the colder he was, the cooler he looked, probably much cooler than the way Ichigo felt himself was looking right now. Damn it.

His legs moved before he could stop it and in a flash he was right next to Orihime, deliberately standing between the young man and his girlfriend. Almost involuntarily, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and reassurance warmed his stomach at the way Orihime's cheeks burned and her body moved slightly toward his.

The man's eyes moved slightly to the left to look at the couple then fixed at the center of the room where Ichigo had been.

Orihime smiled at him, "Kurosaki-kun, this is Ulquiorra Cifer. He's... um."

"Don't make it look like we know each other." The man coldly said, "leave now, trash, before I have to make you."

"But..." Orihime tightened her hold on what Ichigo now realized was a bento.

"I said I don't need it." The man insisted on looking at the center of the room, refusing to even take a glance at Orihime.

"You bastard." Angry at the way Ulquiorra was treating Orihime, Ichigo grabbed his collar, ready to punch him square in his face. "At least look at her. Damn it."

"And who might you be?" The man turned his gaze to Ichigo.

"I'm her boyfriend, and I won't allow you to ignore my girlfriend like that."

For a second, Ichigo swore that he saw hurt and sadness in his eyes, but then the man just told him in a monotone while his face was completely unreadable, "well interesting. I see that you aren't afraid of death."

Rage burned in his eyes as he tightened his grip on the bastard's collar. "What did you just say, jerk?"

Still completely emotionless, Ulquiorra answered in his low voice. "I said that you are a fool who isn't afraid of death, for anyone that dates this woman will die in three days, no exceptions. She's an unlucky star that brings misfortunes to whoever's near her."

Raising his fist, he was so ready to punch the pale jerk. However, the jerk was too quick, Ichigo could barely see his movement, and before he knew what was going on, a loud bang brought his senses back. Right next to him was a huge broken light. His heart was still beating too fast to fathom what was going on. He immediately searched for Orihime to see if she was alright, and much to his relief or rather dismay, she was safe and sound in Ulquiorra's arms.

It seemed like the moment the jerk got out of his grip, the light right above him fell. The pale weirdo immediately grabbed Orihime and took her away while the light flew all the way down to his head. For some miracle, or maybe it was just his luck that on half way, the light decided to move slightly to the left and spared his life just in time.

Tears in her eyes, Orihime tried to go to him, but Ulquiorra held her back with his grip on her arms. The bento fell down on the ground as she ferociously got out of his grip.

Once she was freed, Orihime immediately ran to him and hugged him tight. Hugging her with equal tightness, Ichigo had never felt safer. There was no way he would let her go. There was no way he would let her leave his side ever again.

He turned his eyes to see Ulquiorra's back as he left, in silence, with his hands in his pockets. He would never let Orihime be in the arms of the green eyed bastard... ever again.

XxXxXxXx

Walking side by side with Orihime out of classes as school ended, Ichigo nervously moved his hands up and down his pockets. He wanted nothing more than to free his hand out of the dampened pocket and just grabbed her hand already, yet he found no courage to do so.

But before he could say anything, Orihime said as they got out of the building and were walking in a remote backyard behind their class, "Kurosaki-kun," she looked at him with water in her eyes, "I have been thinking very seriously since lunch break, and I think that it's for the best that we stop the whole dating thing."

Ever since he decided to date Orihime, Ichigo felt like his heart was plucked out of his chest, bouncing up and down in her palm, like it was not his heart any more but it was hers to play with. Now, it had slipped out of her hand and fell down into the ground, scattering into a million pieces.

"Why?" It was the only word that could come to his mind although he knew the answer. She had a boyfriend, and it was that green eyed man, and she never really treated this new relationship seriously. 'The whole dating thing'. Damn it. She thought of it as a game, nothing more and nothing less.

"It was because..." tears flooded her eyes, and she stopped trying to control her sobbing... "Ulquiorra and everyone else are right. I'm an unlucky star. There is nothing good that has ever come to people that have associated with me. People died and..."

He stopped her before she could continued. The stone on his heart lifted. Inoue was indeed a kind person. He smiled before he even knew it. "Who said that nothing good has ever come to people that associated with you?" He took her hands, "I have never been so lucky in my life before I started dating you. Let's see, I was praised so many times in class, I had good grades" He began to count with his fingers, "I played really well in a game that I have never played before. And without extreme luck, the light..."

He stopped as he saw her terrified face. He held her hands tighter to calm her down. "Orihime, you're my lucky star."

"But you could have died."

"I'm living, right here right now, with you."

"But what if the same thing happens in the future..."

"I'll survive again."

She shook her head, "Kurosaki-kun, I really can't..."

"Inoue." He forced her to look into his eyes. "Inoue, if people call me an unlucky star, will you leave me?"

Orihime shook her head ferociously, tears still lingering in her eyes.

"Then why do you expect me to do so?"

"I..."

"You promised with my father that you will lift the curse for me. You have to keep your word. You have to take responsibility."

"So the whole curse thing that your father said is true?" she asked with widened eyes.

"Of course," he assured her. "And my curse is much more powerful than yours." He said with a cocky grin he didn't know that he had. "You're the only one that can save me." He looked deep into her eyes, "Inoue, do you still want to save me?"

She nodded, and this time the look in her eyes told him that she actually bought his story, that she truly believed in the story this time, maybe due to the credit that it was directly from his mouth, with his familiar scowl on his face, showing that he was dead serious. God, he couldn't believe that there was a day that he would use his father's silly story to get by a difficult situation. And how old was Orihime really, to still believe in stupid things like curses? Not that he thought that she was stupid or he was complaining or anything. In fact, he was grateful that he could make her stay. He realized with a throb in his heart that his life would become very terrible if she were to leave.

"Then promise me you will stay by my side, now and forever."

Her face suddenly turned crimson, but she nodded, shyly, anyway. Then he realized the implication behind his words. He was embarrassing, yes, but surprisingly, he didn't regret it one bit; he was even pleased that he had said it straight out.

Grabbing her hand with his trembling hand, he nervously led her toward the gate. His heart leapt up and down as they walked. He couldn't believe how happy he was just simply because she didn't push his hand away.

Then suddenly, Orihime broke the hold as she searched for something in her bag. "Oh my God, I forgot. I baked some bread yesterday. I could give this to Ulquiorra since his bento was dropped."

His heart immediately dropped with an alarming speed. He couldn't hide his scowl as it dropped. "What is your relationship with that Ulquiorra and why do you have to make him a bento everyday?"

He got even more annoyed as he saw the small bag of bread slices she got out of her bag. It was a very simple brown paper but very carefully wrapped. It was certainly not something she made out of the blue. She made it deliberately for Ulquiorra.

Orihime's eyes suddenly turned soft as she answered, and it set alarms all around his already heated body. "I met Ulquiorra not long ago. He was..." She paused, turning her back to go back to the school. "It was during a lunch break. When I got out of the cafeteria, I saw Ulquiorra standing at a corner. He was standing like a stone with no emotion on his face, but... but I could feel that he was hungry, starving even." Her face turned red again. "Please don't tell anyone else about this. I don't want others to judge him."

She looked at him with begging eyes, and he could do nothing but nod.

"I could tell because I was starving too, before. I was too shy to ask for food. It's better now," she assured him, waving her hands in a panicked motion as she saw his face, "since now I have a job. But things are not always so easy for other. Anyway, since that day, I always made extra food for him. It doesn't really cost that much, you know, and it could save a life."

"He was so mean to you" Ichigo said with bitterness in his voice. He was jealous, but it felt so wrong to be jealous in this situation, yet he could not help but feel ridiculously jealous.

"It's just the way he is, but he's really nice inside. He just doesn't know how to show it. He ate all the food I made before." She said with a mild pride in her voice. "Today, he was a little bit more upset than usual, but I'm sure he'll like the breads. Besides, I'll put it in his locker so that nobody will notice."

"I'll do it. You go home with Tatsuki. It's getting late." Ichigo didn't know what made him say that, but he'd rather do it than to let her meet the green eyed bastard again and it be only the two of them. Orihime wrote something in a nice and neat pink note, put it into the bag and thank you Ichigo before running to Tatsuki who was scowling at the gate.

XxXxXxXx

Ichigo knew that this was ridiculous, that he should have left right after he put the bread into the locker, but he could not help himself. Hiding in a corner of the locker room, Ichigo kept his eyes fixed on Ulquiorra's locker. He just needed to know. He had to know. He had to know for sure.

The last light of the day flowed into the room with the coming wind as Ulquiorra went into the empty locker. He came to his locker. His fingers lingered at the handle for a second before he slowly opened it. Even at this distance, Ichigo could still see and feel the light that lit up Ulquiorra's eyes as he saw the bag. Slowly, almost agonizingly, he placed the bag on his palm and took the note out. His eyes softened, and Ichigo swore that he saw the left corner of his lips slightly lift up into what could be considered a smile.

Slowly, unemotionally, he ate the bread slices, one by one, piece by piece until the light stopped shining and the wind stopped blowing .Time also seemed to stop as he ate, like he froze everything just to savor this moment to the fullest.

When he finished eating, he took a small box out of his bag and put the note in. Shooting a quick look at the box, Ichigo realized that it was full of notes, certainly from Orihime. Then he put the box back into his bag and left.

XxXxXxXxXx

This was not enough, not enough.

His feelings toward Orihime were not even one third close to the green eyed bastard's.

This was no good. If he continued with his half hearted love, he would lose her for sure. He would lose her to the bastard. Did he even have her now? How could he be assured that she also held some feelings toward him and not toward the bastard? She made lunch for him everyday...

He had decided. With a beautiful and smart and kind girlfriend like Orihime, maybe it was time to make a notebook of "List of abominable love rivals" and Ulquiorra would be the first one in it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Yes, I'm still smiling and giggling now, yet it feels so stupid to laugh over my own story.

*continue to laugh* some of the humorous effect was off. The one about Ichigo's heart in Orihime's palm was supposed to be a humorous scene (imagine it happens in manga or anime joke type, Orihime with an innocent face doesn't know what to do with a heart that suddenly appears on her palm and she accidentally drop it); however, the way I wrote it, it was more sappy than funny. Stupid me.

Anyway, before, I wrote a humor piece I really loved and thought it was really hilarious, but people didn't seem to think the same, and I was a little bit down. So please let me know what you think about this piece, is this funny? Is this making you laugh? Do you like it? Constructive criticism is welcome.

Thanks for reading.


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